Toy Story 3

*WARNING: If you haven't seen the film, beware of spoilers. And you might want to bring a Kleenex or two with you to the theatre...just in case.*

First of all, I know what you're thinking: this is TeenMontreal, not FamilyFriendlyMontreal! Why am I reviewing an animated children's film when I could be talking about the latest dark n' gritty superhero reboot or something that will allow me to hold on to my oh-so-precious man card? What accounts for this unholy transgression of the rules of gender and rules of age that we abide by so blindly and diligently?

I'll tell you what: IT'S FUCKING TOY STORY.

If you were a kid born and raised in the `90s, chances are you saw the very first entry in this beloved film series and were instantly captivated not only by its then (and still) near-flawless animation, but also by its clever, imaginative story and its endearing and colorful cast of characters. You may have even owned some Woody and Buzz toys of your own and taken them on all sorts of adventures concocted by your own volatile and explosive imagination. So much has changed since then...


...YET SO MUCH HASN`T.

Anyway, the rest is history. It made Pixar famous and it made our childhoods...well, it made mine, anyway. It set the groundwork for Pixar to establish themselves as a company of creative geniuses dedicated to quality family entertainment long after Disney sank to the knees of Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Bros. and began giving them B.J`s and Taco Surprises long enough to rocket them to international stardom. As far as we all know, they have not gotten up since and are not likely to do so anytime soon.


WE KNOW, MICKEY. WE KNOW.

But I digress. It's partially thanks to these movies that Pixar's gained the distinction of being the only company whose quality of artistry has become so steady in its increase over the years that it's a part of what's made the Academy Awards into one of the biggest snoozefests on television:


BEST ANIMATED FEATURE? GEE, I WONDER WHO'S GOING TO WIN THIS YEAR. WAKE ME WHEN IT'S OVER SO I CAN COLLECT MY WINNINGS FROM THE DUMBASS WHO BET ON THE STOP-MOTION SLEEPER HIT AGAIN.

But the Toy Story films are special films for a very specific reason: they were made during the time a lot of us grew up, as if Disney and Pixar had planned the development of this entire series around our development as kids. The protagonist, Andy, aged right alongside us, and his attachment to his toys only grew more and more distant as ours did. Andy represented all of us and his relationship with his toys represented the rapidly fleeting innocence of childhood. Therefore, it figured that the third (and presumably final) installment would serve as a sort of swan song to the viewers of our generation, who by now have put away their playthings once and for all and who, like Andy, are now in the process of growing up and moving on with their lives.

The story revolves around Andy, now 17, getting ready to head off to college. In the midst of packing and saying goodbyes: the question comes up: what is Andy going to do with all of the old toys he has left? Woody, Buzz and the gang are now worrying about their ultimate fate: will they be put in the attic as their final resting place? Will they be donated to a daycare? Or will they be thrown out and placed in a landfill to be incinerated from existence forever?

The toys narrowly manage to avoid getting thrown out and wind up in Sunnyside Daycare. What seems on the outside to be a paradise on earth where every toy gets played with is actually a maximum-security prison run with an iron fist by a teddy bear whose dictatorial ruthlessness rivals those rulers of the cruellest kind. Seriously, this furry little strawberry-scented piece of shit could give the warden in The Shawshank Redemption a run for his money.

After finding out that their owner is looking for them, the toys attempt to bust out of their kid-friendly Alcatraz and reunite with him, getting mistranslated, dislocated and, in what is actually a particularly horrifying scene, nearly incinerated along the way.

As I explained before, this movie is slightly less focused on fun and fanciful frolic and more focused on the bittersweet nature of growing up and the uncertainty of the future. It's sentimental and almost meditative at times. That being said, how does it hold up in the end?

When I went into this movie, I have to admit my expectations were a little lower than usual with Pixar's movies. Aside from little snippets that showed us that Andy was going off to college, I saw the usual array of slapstick humor you'd see in any trailer for a kid's film. I was also slightly uncomfortable about the series' enormous potential for contracting that horrible disease known as sequelitis, especially since the third movie in any series (with the exception being The Lord of the Rings) has a tendency to be mediocre at best:


*SIGH* CASE IN POINT.

The lights dimmed. The movie played out before my eyes. I saw the end of the most beloved story of my childhood. And as I walked out of the theatre, I realized something. I realized that there can be enormous catharsis in truly letting go of one's past. I realized that I can go into the future not with manly cynicism and bitterness, but with childlike optimism and hope. I realized that I had come to realize these truths through watching a movie about the adventures of a bunch of walking, talking pieces of plastic. I also realized that, to my great surprise and pleasure, I had seen what can be described as a perfect film.

Toy Story 3 hits all the right notes and then some, creating a harmonious mixture of comedy, suspense, moments of light terror and moments that move you to tears. It takes characters that we've come to care deeply about over the years and by the end of it all, only makes us love them even more. It makes you feel like a kid again, while bringing you to confront the fact that sooner or later, we all have to grow up. And it brings the stories of all its characters to such a beautifully poignant and satisfying conclusion that I will not dare to spoil it for you. You'll have to see this treasure for yourself.

A flawlessly written and animated movie that will make you laugh and break your heart, Toy Story 3 is easily the best film of the summer thus far, and I dare say one of the best films of 2010.

To close this review, I'd like to extend a heartfelt thanks to every single animator, actor, screenwriter and editor who worked on this movie and the last two over the past fifteen years (even though I'm sure none of you guys are reading this). Thank you for creating one of the greatest film trilogies that I'm sure will live up to the test of time. Thank you for putting such love and care into each and every installment. Thank you for inspiring me and so many others like me to create stories of our own. And thank you for helping us, through your collective creative endeavours, to find the courage we need to point ourselves forward and reach for the sky...to infinity and beyond.

Thanks for reading, and have a nice day.



--Vishesh

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

*WARNING: If you haven't seen the film, beware of spoilers.*

From the conflicts between the settlers and the natives in the early stages of North American development to the British rule of several parts of Africa and Asia, the oppressive and violent campaigns of colonialism and imperialism continue to cast a negative light on humanity even to this day. The nature of such campaigns and the omnipresent guilt associated with them have been explored in many motion pictures to this day, such as Disney's animated feature Pocahontas, as well as Kevin Costner's Academy Award-winning drama Dances with Wolves. But it has rarely been explored in the realm of thinly-veiled allegory known as science-fiction and fantasy...and this, I'm afraid, is the best contemporary example we have. This is Atlantis: The Lost Empire.

Our story involves a group of fighters and scientists who have come across an ancient civilization. This civilization happens to be resting on a highly valuable natural resource that some of the outsiders are hell-bent on getting their hands on. However, our protagonist has attempted to learn the ways of the natives and ends up falling in love with one of their women in the process. After realizing that all living beings are connected and that life in all its forms is the most precious miracle of all, he takes up arms with the natives against the evil military captain who wants the aforementioned natural resource. After winning the battle and saving the day he ends up "becoming" one of the natives and renouncing his former identity.

What's that? This isn't the film I'm supposed to be reviewing? But I could have sworn...oh, right, it was Avatar I chose to review, that's it! Wow, I'm sorry, my mistake.

Avatar



*WARNING: If you haven't seen the film, beware of spoilers.*

So...here it is! James Cameron's pet project 15 years in the making, boasting grand technology and visual effects the likes of which no one has ever seen before...at least not at this level of sharpness and sophistication. Does the movie itself hold anything more than its main selling point?

Well, our story involves a group of fighters and scientists who have come across an ancient civilization. This civilization happens to be resting on a highly valuable natural resource that the colonialists are hell-bent on getting their hands on. However, our protagonist has attempted to learn the ways of the natives and ends up falling in love with one of their women in the process. After realizing that all living beings are connected and that life in all its forms is the most precious miracle of all, he takes up arms with the natives against the evil military captain who wants the aforementioned natural resource. After winning the battle and saving the day he ends up "becoming" one of the natives and renouncing his former identity.

...Okay, I'm going to take that as a no.

*Sigh* Okay, well, I guess I should give a more in-depth summary than that. We have our main protagonist, paraplegic ex-Marine Jake Sully who is sent to a remote outpost on the distant planet of Pandora, where the EEEEEEVIL RDA corporation is mining the environment in order to find unobtainium, an apparently rare and extremely valuable metal. Their main obstacle lies in the fact that Pandora is populated by a group of blue-skinned humanoids known as the Na'vi, who look like the deformed love-children of Sylvester the Cat and Papa Smurf injected with steroids. The corporation has been constantly attempting to convince the Na'vi to leave their home so that they can fully take advantage of the planet's natural resources, but the Na'vi don't want to leave because of their symbiotic bond with nature, which of course, all "poor" indigenous folk have, right? Right?

Anyway, Jake has been sent to Pandora, along with other mercenaries, to provide security as well as to replace his deceased twin brother, who was also an experienced Avatar operator. However, the head of the Avatar Program, Dr. Grace Augustine, considers him to be a rather poor replacement for his apparently more qualified and more intelligent brother and dismissively lets him tag along as a bodyguard.

And just what is the Avatar Program, you may ask?

Why, it's a program through which humans implant their minds into genetically-engineered human-Na'vi hybrid bodies in order to take on the appearance of the natives. Wow, a human mind being imprinted onto a false and "simulated" body! Original, right? I don't think we've ever seen anything like that befo--



Ah, right, yes...ahem...moving on...

So Jake, Dr. Augustine and a team of scientists (surprisingly, only one of whom is Indian) are on Pandora in their Avatar forms exploring the landscape when suddenly they are attacked by a large monster, becoming separated in the process. Jake must then use all of his combat skills to survive as he stumbles through the Night Elf forest from World of Warcraft--er, I mean, the Pandoran jungle. He is almost killed by Exotic Predator#2, when he is saved by a Na'vi woman known as Neytiri. She ends up bringing him before the ruler of her clan, the Omaticaya, where her mother, the Na'vi shaman, orders her to instruct him and teach him their ways.

Meanwhile, back at the headquarters of the EEEEEEVIL RDA corporation, we meet one of two principal antagonists of this film, Colonel Miles Quaritch, the...um...excessively patriotic leader of the mercenary force.

...Yeah. I'll have more to say on his character later.

He makes a bargain with Jake: if he can successfully convince the Omaticaya to abandon their home, he will authorize the operation to cure Jake's paralysis. And so, stuff happens, Jake becomes a part of the tribe, falls in love with Neytiri, and with the help of the good-hearted scientists ("We're all connected, man! Don't you see?! We all got to be together!") ends up fighting against the EEEEEEEVIL corporation that he was originally helping in order to save the natives.

All right...where the hell do I begin?

First off, I don't know about the rest of you, but I happen to believe that if you are creating an artistic narrative in any form, and you wish to insert a social message or any political subtext into that narrative, you should try to do it in a way that doesn't speak down to your audience as if they consisted of nothing but toddlers and people with special needs. And here I thought District 9's allegory was thinner than an anorexic cheerleader! Right from the start, we're slammed with this simple formula:

EQUALS

Don't believe me? Take a look, for a start, at Colonel Quaritch, played with an incredible amount of over-zealous "steel boner" Marine manliness by Stephen Lang. This guy is honestly the most stereotypical "army douche" you will ever witness onscreen. Right from the get-go, he is established as a patriot to an immense fault, but his most ridiculous moment by far comes near the final epic battle between the humans and the Na'vi. He is in a roomful of redneck soldiers that he has gathered as his elite force and he's giving his generic pre-battle pep talk, telling them exactly what they are going to do to these Injuns...I mean, Na'vi. It is in this one line that we see the full agenda behind Cameron establishing this character. If I hadn't been watching this movie in a crowded theater, I'm pretty sure I would have laughed my ass off at this one line: "We are gonna fight terror with terror!"

First of all, WHAT TERROR?! The Na'vi have not done anything that can be defined as terrorism! Last time I checked, you were the one who initiated that little "shock and awe" campaign to try and reduce their morale to zero, moron!

Second of all:


OKAY, SERIOUSLY, GUYS. THE MONKEY HAS BEEN OUT OF OFFICE FOR OVER A YEAR NOW. THE JOKE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

And it's not like Cameron really wants us to draw our own varied conclusions from this story, oh no! Whenever something bad happens to the noble "savages" known as the Na'vi, the movie pretty much knees us in the balls to react the way it wants us to react. When one of the trees of the natives gets destroyed, we get a nice little slow-motion montage of the scientists lashing out at the heartless military officers, with Sigourney Weaver's character screaming, "MURDERER!!!" intercut with the Na'vi weeping at the partial destruction of their forest, complete with a pretentious "AH-ee-AH-ee-AH" choir accompanied by violins.

Okay, we get it. Believe me, we got it the minute the Na'vi were first referred to as "savages". White people are imperialist, cruel, soulless bastards who only care about becoming richer than they have the right to be and who have no regard for the rights of minority groups or any life on this planet whatsoever. The military is evil, the billion-dollar faceless corporations who run operations such as this are evil, and all humans are EEEEEEEVIL. Would you mind shoving it a little more forcefully down my throat, please? I think there's still a tiny little space left in my gullet. Honestly, the only way that this film could possibly be any more shamelessly manipulative is if you had James Cameron himself standing at the front of the theatre holding up signs for every scene that said "APPLAUSE" or "WEEP OPENLY".

With that said, let's talk about the movie's main selling point: the effects. Right from the start, this movie was billed as the next leap forward in filmmaking, a movie that people would look back on and think: "Man, I remember when I first saw this piece of work change the course of how visions are brought to life on screen". All the hype based around this was based on the fact that the motion capture and green-screen effects used had risen to such a level of sophistication that it would cause the audiences' skulls to collectively cave in from sheer unadulterated awesomeness. So, is it all true? Did the effects manage to transport me to another world? Is this as much of a revolutionary technical achievement as it is billed to be?

My answer: Yes. Yes on all counts. And that is why I have this to say: if you decide to see this film, ONLY see it in 3-D. Even if you only see it on a regular-sized screen, you will literally feel like you're being swept up and taken to a completely different world with lush forests, diverse forms of wildlife and...floating mountains?


IF YOU SAY SO, CAMERON. IF YOU SAY SO.

The Na'vi themselves are beautifully rendered in all their Smurf-like glory, with textures and expressive features to rival those of the "prawns" of District 9. The brilliance of the effects, however, lies in the fact that while the creatures themselves have a very distinct look to them, the animation does not in any way hamper the performances by the human actors. In fact, here, we get what I would say is the closest thing to a perfect marriage of computer animation and human emotion since Gollum's debut that we are going to see onscreen for a long time.

Among these performances, the one which carried the strongest emotional weight was that of Zoe Saldana as the Na'vi princess Neytiri. Almost like Andy Serkis' performance as Gollum, Saldana's performance is a full-bodied transformation from one species to another. There's a certain aspect of danger to this character as she always seems ready to lash out and pounce, but also an element of vulnerability. Saldana pulls both of these elements off brilliantly, creating a character that is always engaging to watch. Granted, her movements and ululations (as well as those of the rest of the Na'vi) were a little too similar to those of the most stereotypical rain-dancing Aboriginals for me to take entirely seriously, but I think we all know who to blame for that.

The rest of the performances are, at best, mediocre, and at worst hilariously bad. Sam Worthington's portrayal of Jake was on the higher end of the shit spectrum, leaving us with no impression whatsoever: nothing too impressive (or expressive, I should say) that suggests any major calibre, but nothing that'll leave a foul taste in your mouth. On the other end are Lang (as mentioned above) as Full Metal Stereotype, the "military douche" and Giovanni Ribisi as the "corporate douche". Both of these actors don't really play characters here as much as much as they play epitomes of EEEEEEVIL, although this isn't entirely their fault, given that Cameron (who also wrote the screenplay) didn't really give either of them much to work with other than:


LOOK, I TOLD YOU, GIOVANNI, WE CAN'T AFFORD A FAKE MUSTACHE FOR YOU TO TWIRL MENACINGLY OR SOMEBODY TO TRAIN A CAT TO SIT IN YOUR LAP AND PURR WHILE YOU DO SO! ALL RIGHT...WE'LL HAVE YOU PLAYING GOLF IN YOUR FIRST SCENE, HOW DOES THAT SOUND? I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT THOSE HEARTLESS CORPORATE DOUCHEBAGS DO ALL DAY, RIGHT? OKAY, TIME FOR ANOTHER REWRITE. *SIGH* GUESS I SHOULDN'T HAVE BLOWN OUR ENTIRE BUDGET ON ALL THESE ELABORATE COMPUTERS AND THAT FANCY MOTION-CAPTURE STUDIO...OH, WELL!

It's pretty clear from his work on this movie that Cameron is dangerously close to falling into the Michael Bay trap of placing jaw-dropping visual effects squarely before story and character development. Rather surprising, considering that this is the guy who gave us the first two Terminator films. Unfortunately, visuals alone do not a movie make. If you lack a compelling and unique story and characters that are dynamic and complex, then your work shall be destined to fade into obscurity. You may make all the money in the world, but as they say: you can roll a giant turd around in all the flour you want, but that don't make it a jelly doughnut.

And on that savory note, I conclude this review with the following: You will like Avatar if you are looking for the following three things in your movie-going experience: lights, colour and noise. It is, at the very least, an entertaining (if predictable) movie-going experience that puts its money where its mouth is in terms of what it boasts. It's also a piece of environmentalist propaganda that's about as subtle and as delicate as an elephant tusk up the ass. Nice try, James old chap, but next time, could you leave your preachy New Age bullshit out of my escapist fantasy blockbusters, please? Or if you have to insert some kind of social message into your films, then please do it in a way that doesn't feel like I'm being sodomized repeatedly with your beliefs. If that's the effect you'd like to have on people, then I strongly recommend you consider joining the Catholic Church.

Thanks for reading, and have a happy New Year.



--Vishesh

Inglourious Basterds

*WARNING: If you haven't seen the film, beware of spoilers.*

Let's cut to the chase here: after all the atrocities committed during World War II by Hitler and his Third Reich, who WOULDN'T want to see those sadistic, goose-stepping cunts being horribly tortured and mutilated? Well, Quentin Tarantino's latest motion picture epic promises that and a hell of a lot more.

Well, in the trailers, at least. But we'll get to that later.

The plot(s) of the film involves a group of Jewish-American soldiers employed by the OSS, informally known as the Basterds. They are led by Lt. Aldo Raine (played with the thickest Tennessee accent of all time by Brad Pitt) and have been dropped into Nazi-occupied France in the guise of civilians in order to carry out their mission: to hunt down and brutally kill (and scalp) as many SS officers as they possibly can, or die trying.

Meanwhile, a young French-Jewish girl named Shoshanna Dreyfus has narrowly escaped from the Nazis herself. She manages to settle in Paris, assuming the identity of Emmanuelle Mimieux, a cinema proprietress, and is preparing to exact a revenge plan of her own. The premiere of a Nazi propagandist film is to be held at her cinema, where all the bigwigs of the SS (including Hitler himself) will be shmoozing it up. As the Basterds prepare to gatecrash the biggest gathering of scum and villainy, the stage is set for an explosive climax.

Probably the most deceiving aspect of a movie is its trailer. It can stir audiences into a rabid frenzy of excitement, only to punch their expectations in the soul until there is nothing left but a barely conscious, pulsating mass of bitterness and murderous rage:


NEW LINE CINEMA: SODOMIZING YOUR FAVORITE FANTASY NOVELS ONE ADAPTATION AT A TIME (EVEN AFTER GETTING IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME).

This movie is no exception to the rule of deceptive promotion, but in this instance, it depends on what kind of moviegoer you are. If you go into this movie expecting typical bloody, ultraviolent Tarantino fare, you may be disappointed or you may be pleasantly surprised. This is advertised as a film primarily about the Basterds and their exploits, and yet we actually see very little of them throughout the film. The majority of screen time is actually devoted to either Shoshanna or the SS Colonel Hans Landa (played with a truly menacing charm by Cristoph Waltz). What violence that does occur on screen is graphic, brutal and incredibly satisfying, but it appears Tarantino enjoys taunting his viewers with the possibility of seeing one of those German bastards get what's coming to them. This is a very dialogue-heavy film, with plenty of psychological maneuvering and deception going on (to the point where it got slightly tedious, especially during the tavern scene). However, this film is also fairly unusual in Tarantino's filmography in that it contains what our North American audiences dread the most:

SUBTITLES.

Yes, the majority of the dialogue in this film is spoken in French and German, flabbergasting audiences with how much text was in this supposedly action-packed motion picture. Why, just at the theater where I went to see this film, people poured out of the building and marched on a rampage down the streets, voicing their outrage at this violation of their right to freedom of illiteracy:


THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY'S HEADQUARTERS WERE TORCHED SEVERAL DAYS LATER. THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS.

Anyway, you get the picture. This movie may or may not be to your liking, depending on what you're really going for, but it is NOT Kill Bill. Do not expect it to be so.

Now, as for what I actually thought about it:

I was one of those viewers who were pleasantly surprised. All of the above being said, however, none of what I mentioned works to the detriment of the film. The pacing was exemplary in terms of the way Tarantino juggled both plots and slowly brought them together to lead into what is quite frankly one of the most exciting and satisfying climaxes I have seen in a movie. It's evident that Tarantino's main strength as a filmmaker is his ability to keep his audiences entertained, if not entirely emotionally involved. Which leads me into my next point:

The characterization in the film, I found, was a little off-kilter in terms of dimensions of personality. The American Basterds (who I would have loved to see more of), the Germans and the Brits are all played almost perfectly to type, to the point where it almost comes off as a garish caricature.

For example, here are the Brits:


SO, YES, THAT IS YOUR MISSION. YOU MUST NOT FAIL. WELL, NOW THAT WE'RE THROUGH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD REMOVE THIS BLASTED POLE FROM MY ARSE? IT'S JUST SO DIFFICULT TO MOVE WITH THIS THING...OH, AND GET ME SOME MORE SCOTCH WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, THERE'S A GOOD CHAP! PIP PIP! SPIT SPOT! CHEERIO!

Ze Germans:


MMMYES, WE DO LOVE OUR STRUDEL! AND PEOPLE GETTING SHOT IN THE FACE IS ALWAYS GOOD FOR A LAUGH! POWER TO THE ARYAN RACE! ZIEG HEIL!

While the Basterds (particularly Brad Pitt's and Eli Roth's characters) were undoubtedly the second coolest characters in the film, even they were only developed on one level. We didn't see any other side to them than their vengeful, Nazi-killing sides, which made it slightly more difficult to actually like them. Why are they really doing this? Where do they come from? None of these questions are answered. In fact, the only reason we do sympathize with what they do is because every single one of these Nazi sons of bitches has it coming to them. I guess in Tarantino's world, the nature of morality is slightly skewed that way.

Moving on, the performances in this film ranged from quite good to superb. The biggest standout of them all, as I said above, was Christoph Waltz as Col. Landa, aka the "Jew-Hunter". His ability to act convincingly in four languages notwithstanding, this actor has managed to portray a very classical, if exaggerated, villain character with a deadly silver tongue, one who charms before he kills. Waltz knows how to create a sense of menace, but sugarcoat it at the same time, and he does it brilliantly.

Also, special props has to be given to Mike "Austin Powers" Myers for his brief appearance as the British general Ed Fenech. Myers has managed to create a very distinct image for himself as a comic actor in movies such The Love Guru and, of course, the Austin Powers series. When I saw this character for the first time, I had no idea who this actor was, but I never would have guessed it was him. I remember doing a visible double-take upon finding out that this character was played by the very same man. This may well be the first step towards Myers being recognized as a more versatile actor capable of playing more serious roles. Kudos to him.

And finally, the "star" of the film himself, Brad Pitt as Lt. Aldo Raine. In my mind...well...nothing too spectacular. His character was just as one-note as the rest of the cast, so he admittedly had rather limited material to work with. Still, he went just a little too overboard with the accent, to the point where I had to almost strain my ears to understand what exactly he was saying.

So, to conclude, how does this movie fare up? Well, it's certainly entertaining enough, although the character development (or lack thereof) falls rather flat in the end. It is exceptionally well-plotted, although some scenes did tend to drag themselves out a little. The acting, for the most part is quite well done, being one of the more salvageable elements of the film. I would give it a pretty decent rating, such as a 7 out of 10. If you're looking for an action movie that'll satisfy your thirst for a good yarn, then this will definitely do the trick. Just don't expect it to be quite as mindless as some of the other movies we've seen in the last few months.

Thanks for reading, and have a nice day.



--Vishesh

District 9

*WARNING: If you haven't seen the film, beware of spoilers.*

There are two large and incredibly ominous signs that the world as we know it is coming to an end. One is that the United States would be governed by a mentally challenged monkey who actually takes it as fact that the Earth was created in seven days. As we all know, that part of the prophecy has already been fulfilled. The other is that there would be a summer blockbuster that, in addition to entertaining us, would make us think a little. A summer blockbuster that would promise plenty of shit blowing up and neat visual effects, but at the same time would NOT require us to leave our brains at the concessions stand. A summer blockbuster that would force us to question who we are as a species and what makes us truly human. In other words, a summer blockbuster with...PHILOSOPHICAL IDEAS. (insert creepy musical cue here).

After seeing this movie...I'd say it's about time to head for the nearest bomb shelter.

Neill Blomkamp's feature debut is surprising in many ways. Its themes are strikingly sophisticated and...dare I say...thought-provoking, its plot is one of the most original in its genre, and its technical approach is unlike anything that has ever been seen, with the exception of The Blair Witch Project. I guess Cloverfield would also deserve a mention here, but we're not counting vomit-inducers, are we?

The film's premise is explained in the beginning, set twenty years before the events of the main plot itself, when an extraterrestrial spacecraft comes to a halt over Johannesburg, South Africa. It hovers above the city for months, after which the humans get fed up and just cut into it to discover a group of sick and starving aliens, who were apparently very low-class servants or "serfs" on their home planet.

Over time, the government is able to set up a makeshift "town" for the aliens in Joburg's District 9, where they are kept separate from the city's human population. As the living conditions rapidly deteriorate in the vast slum that is District 9, control of the aliens (or "prawns" as they are referred to by the humans) is given over to an company known as Multi-National United, or MNU for short. The people at MNU are supposedly concerned about the aliens' welfare and the security of the humans, but they are really only interested in learning how to operate the aliens' unique weaponry.

Wait a minute, let me see if I've got this straight...we have an organization that appears to be acting in the interest of the general population, but is actually using corrupt methods to fulfill their ulterior, selfish goals of profit and domination over a bunch of different territories?

You know, there was another administration like that once, run by a certain guy, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Maybe this will ring a bell...


SUBTLE, NEILL. REAL SUBTLE.

Well, you get the picture. The guys over at MNU are not to be misunderestimated. If you're not with them, you're against them. They're the ones who make sure our children is learning...okay, I'll stop now.

Anyway, twenty years into all this, we meet MNU field operative Wikus van der Merwe, who, along with some security forces in MNU, has been assigned the task of uprooting and relocating the aliens over to District 10, an area that is more like a concentration camp than anything else (Holocaustian overtones?). While he is inspecting the home of one of the "prawns", he accidentally sprays himself in the face with an alien chemical, causing him to experience severely violent bodily reactions and eventually causes his arm to morph into that of an alien's, due to the fact that the spray has now written alien DNA into his biological coding, allowing him coveted access to the aliens' weapons.

As you may have guessed by now, our hero isn't exactly the most brightly lit candle on the menorah.


WELL, THIS SUCKS...FEELS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY WHEN I SPRAYED MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH THAT PRAWN FUEL...YOU KNOW, I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE JUST CONFISCATED IT RIGHT AWAY AND LET SOMEONE ELSE AT MNU INSPECT IT LATER RATHER THAN FIDDLING AROUND WITH SUCH A POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS DEVICE...OH, WELL!

So Wikus gets taken into custody by the good people of MNU, who want to use his acquired talents for destructive purposes at the cost of his life. He manages to escape, however, and finds himself ostracized from the community and the ones he loves due to a nasty rumor spread about him having sexual intercourse with an alien.

I swear to God and sunny Jesus, I did not make that last part up.

So, now that Wikus is alone and friendless, the only place left for him to take refuge is in District 9. He meets and enlists the help of an alien given the name Christopher Johnson, an alien he had tried to evict earlier, leading to an uneasy but interesting partnership.

Quite a mouthful just to explain the plotline, eh? Now, on to the review itself...

Like I said, this movie's premise is quite unusual and original, given what we've come to expect from this genre. The aliens in this movie are not here to destroy us or to take over our planet or to offer us any extraordinary new technology that will lead us into a new age of peace and prosperity. They are merely refugees with no other place to go, and in many ways, they are no better than us humans.

Fresh, new and intelligent though this idea may be, the story still has its flaws. There were only two of them this time around, but they stood out among the better aspects of the film:

1) Wikus' transition in character (or lack thereof) was just a little too quick and easy for me to accept. Let's try comparing these two selected moments from the film, before and after Wikus sprays himself:

BEFORE:


YEAH, HI, WE'RE FROM MNU? WE ARE HEREBY REQUIRED TO INSPECT YOUR HOME AND TORCH YOUR UNBORN KIDS ALIVE--ER, I MEAN CONFISCATE ANY HIDDEN WEAPONS. OH, AND WE'RE ALSO GOING TO UPROOT YOU FROM YOUR ALREADY MISERABLE SHACK AND DUMP YOU IN A PLACE WITH EVEN WORSE LIVING CONDITIONS. HAVE A NICE DAY!

AFTER:


NO...NO! PLEASE! DON'T MAKE ME KILL THAT UNARMED PRAWN! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! THE MOVIE NEEDS ME TO BE A SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER NOW! NOOOOOOOOOO!

I guess one of the side effects of ingesting the fuel involves magically gaining a conception of morality.

2) Let me comment a little bit on the allegory in this film. The blatantly obvious similarities between the treatment of "non-humans" in District 9 and the treatment of "non-whites" during the era of apartheid in South Africa seem to be the highest points of discussion for viewers. This is mainly due to the unusual setting of this type of film, and by unusual I mean the fact that it isn't set in Manhattan or Washington D.C.

And the movie does hammer this down our throats quite a bit, even after we've made the very simple connection:



EQUALS



There you go. Allegory explained.

Though, to be fair, the history of South Africa has been shadowed by apartheid and racial discrimination to the point where you ABSOLUTELY cannot watch this film without making the connection.

The thematic focus of this movie, however, is NOT apartheid or racism, but the definition of humanity. That's right. You remember those dreaded PHILOSOPHICAL IDEAS I mentioned earlier? Well, this movie is chock-full of those. Just bear with me, folks, it'll only be for a few paragraphs.

The character of Wikus is human by default. We know that much. He walks, talks and interacts with others in a distinctly human fashion. But his actions and his conduct towards others do not suggest the possession of any higher human functions, such as the ability to question what he is forced to do or his environment around him. He acts only for himself, and to further his own ambitions.

Okay, maybe I'm being too hard on the guy. After all, he does have his girlfriend and...that's about it.

He does not display any respect for any form of life, as seen in his callous enjoyment at seeing the alien eggs "popping" in the fire he burned them with. Outwardly, he is human. Inwardly, however, he is nothing more than a vacuous drone built to follow orders from his superiors, no matter how abhorrent and inhumane they are.

Now, on the other side of the coin, we have Christopher Johnson, our non-human hero. He is alien by default (one thing he and I have in common), yet he is clearly more human than most of the so-called homo sapiens characters in this movie. He is the only character who does not act purely out of his own selfish interests or motivations. He is concerned for the good of his people above all, and has every respect for all forms of life, aside from the few maimed and killed bodies he and Wikus leave behind at MNU. He is loyal, and will do anything to protect the ones he loves, namely his young son.

HOWEVER...

The consequences of Wikus spraying himself with the alien chemicals are that he loses his human appearance. This means that he is now in an even lower position than shit stuck to the underside of his shoe: he is now "one of them". He is now everything his fellow humans see as inhuman: ugly and physically deformed. At first, he still acts selfishly, as he simply uses Christopher to get the alien fuel back in order to reverse the transformation. But, eventually, as he clues in on the fact that maybe we shouldn't brutalize and destroy other forms of life for our own amusement, he seems to gain a glimmer of real humanity even as he slowly begins to mutate into a non-human.

The final decision Wikus makes near the end is a pretty clear indication that he has now made a full transformation, not from human to alien, but from a murderous drone to one who is fully conscious of and respects all life. He has lost most of his human appearance, but has gained human values such as compassion and the capacity for selflessness. By the end, what is he? Nothing more than a disgusting prawn. But he is a disgusting prawn with a decidedly human attribute: an irrational, emotional and fully functioning heart.

*End of philosophical rambling*

And speaking of prawns, I'd just like to take a moment (almost done here, folks) to tip my turban to the visual effects teams that were responsible for the appearance of these aliens. What's amazing is that even with the shaky-cam documentary-style approach they employed, these creatures actually manage to create the illusion of having physical bearing in space and matter, complete with big, wide, thoughtful eyes to evoke our sympathy right off the bat. How did they manage to create these almost photo-realistic creatures? Well, having access to Peter Jackson's WETA Workshop certainly helps:


YO, WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR? TELL THAT PIXELATED LUMP OF SHIT GOLLUM HE CAN SUCK MY ENCRUSTED BALLSACK. I'M THE MOST REALISTIC-LOOKIN' CGI CREATURE IN TOWN NOW, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT, BITCHES!

But, with all that being said, I still haven't answered the fundamental question of this review: is it a good movie or not? The ingredients are there: original, thought-provoking writing with all its PHILOSOPHICAL IDEAS, and plenty of great visual effects and shit blowing up. Okay, maybe those aren't the ingredients of a good movie per se. But as a summer blockbuster, it definitely goes above and beyond the call of duty, and if you're looking for a solid, action-packed science-fiction movie, you should give it a whirl.

And as for me personally?

Well, I enjoyed it, and due to the undercurrent of racial intolerance, it had some special resonance for me. I know I'd like to see what would happen if one of those aliens tried to get a cab.

Thanks for reading, and have a nice day.



--Vishesh

Harry Potter HBP

*WARNING: If you haven't seen the film, beware of spoilers.*

Ah, Harry Potter. The Holy Grail of a new generation of obsessive fanboys (myself included). What would we do without you? Is there any modern fantasy series out there that can even come close to being your rival and/or equal? And yes, I am aware that this would be a good place for a Twilight joke, but that would mean placing you, the reader, under the false impression that that franchise is even legitimate enough to be made fun of. But I digress.

If you don't know the premise (which means you've likely been living under a rock), boy wizard Harry Potter is about to enter his sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where, for some reason, everything now looks dull, lifeless and gray. Seriously, what is up with the color palette in this movie?? Did the cinematographer just forget to take his happy pills?

In a nutshell, the central plot consists of Harry and Professor Dumbledore attempting throughout the year to find Lord Voldemort's weakness by examining memories. Meanwhile, Harry becomes suspicious of his classmate and enemy Draco Malfoy, and tries to find out what dark deeds he may be up to.

The subplot(s): Puberty has finally hit our heroes like a ton of pheromone-filled bricks and all the students are now incredibly horny.


ER...SORRY, PROFESSOR, WE FORGOT ORGIES AREN`T ALLOWED ON SCHOOL GROUNDS.

Like the previous two adaptations of some of the heftier books in the series, the film provides an extremely truncated version of the plot of the novel it is based on. This, of course, means that virtually all the scenes showing Voldemort's backstory are omitted (with the exception of the scene where Dumbledore meets him for the first time as Tom Riddle as well as the discovery of the Horcruxes), and the whole mystery behind the Half-Blood Prince is barely even glanced over. I mean, what the hell? Literally all they choose to do with this sub-plot can be summed up like this:

1) Harry uses the Prince's advice to win Felix Felicis.

2) He uses the Sectumsempra curse on Malfoy.

3) After seeing the damage he did, his friends encourage him to hide the book in the Room of Requirement.

And that's it! From this point on, we see neither hide nor hair of this sub-plot 'till the climax (more on that later) when Snape just reveals out of the blue that he is the Half-Blood Prince. Barely a hint of any kind of build-up, and barely any payoff:

SNAPE: You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? That`s right...I`M the Half-Blood Prince! (looks at the director) Um...line? (pause) What, that...that`s it? No...final monologue or even a witty exit line or ANYTHING?? (pause) Oh, fine. Be that way. (stalks off, grumbling) Man, you guys had better do my death justice in the last movie or I`m gonna set the fangirls on you. Yeah, I`m talking to you, Kloves!

Now, you might think this is merely the nitpicking of another fanboy purist. Even so, you'd think they might've paid a little more attention to this particular subplot. I mean, it's not absolutely crucial to the main story or anything, it`s only the reason behind the TITLE OF THE FRIGGIN` MOVIE. HELLO?

Okay, nerd rant over. Time to look at the film on its own.

First, the scripting. I have to say, aside from the subplot surrounding the eponymous Prince, I was actually pretty amazed at how evenly handled the different plotlines were, perhaps more than any other Potter film. We get some nice, steady doses of the main plot (Harry and Dumbledore, Harry vs. Malfoy) alongside all the mushy romantic stuff, with almost equal attention devoted to both. Another reason to praise the cleverness of the writing is that the scenes devoted to the trials and tribulations of puberty and budding romance are far from what I would call mushy, sappy or anything similarly worth bashing in a review like this.

*MUST RESIST URGE TO MAKE TWILIGHT JOKE*

The scenes with Ron and Hermione, Ron and Lavender, Harry and Ginny, etc. were all written in a way that may be the first instance of the screenwriter treating these characters like real people with realistic mindsets. Everything is subtle and downplayed to just the right degree. The first example that I would use is the scene where Hermione sees Ron making out with Lavender for the first time and is distraught, leaving promptly after. Harry notices, and goes out to check on her. As she cries softly, she asks Harry about how it feels when he sees Ginny and Dean kissing like that. After a while, he sits with her and responds, ''It feels like this''.

No sappy, pseudo-flowery bullshit, just one aptly placed line to show how both these characters feel. You have done well here, Mr. Kloves.

Next, the performances. The three leads in this film are...not really any different from their portrayals in the last five films. Granted, the dialogue they have to work with is a vast improvement over the previous few installments, but the delivery is...pretty much the same. Not incredible, but certainly not horrible. Adequately satisfying is the word.

The performances that really stood out, in my mind, were those of Jessie Cave as the girlfriend from hell Lavender Brown and Jim Broadbent as the doddering, vain, but otherwise likable Horace Slughorn.

Cave is, in a word, hilarious as Lavender. Her scenes with Ron carried a lot of the comedy of the film. Whenever this clingy, whiny, annoying bitch (the character, not the actress) appeared onscreen, I couldn't help but actually cringe for Ron's lamentable plight of being temporarily stuck with her.

Broadbent is a find, being unbelievably believable as Slughorn. There's something about his character that seems rather contradictory: he shamelessly sucks up to the famous and powerful, he's got an ego the size of Hogwarts itself, he serves as a huge obstacle to Harry and Dumbledore's mission because he's too much of a pansy to face up to the fact that he essentially helped the wizarding equivalent of Hitler to rise to power...and somehow, we can't help but like the old fart. Probably due to his comic potential. Whatever the reason, Broadbent manages to capture all aspects of this character (the socialite and the coward) in what may be the only truly flawless transition from page to screen in this film series so far.

The final noteworthy performance in this film, arguably a summary of performances in the series as a whole, is that of Sir Michael Gambon as the man himself, Albus Dumbledore. Some fans out there have placed the argument that the films have essentially gone to shit ever since the original Dumbledore, Richard Harris, died in 2002. After seeing PoA, GoF and OotP for the first time, I was initially inclined to disagree. However, after seeing the character die onscreen and receive a nice sendoff (or not), I look back now with a slightly different opinion. While I wouldn't say that the films as a whole went downhill, I have to say that Gambon's Dumbledore definitely...lacked a little something.

We know that Dumbledore is one of the best-loved characters in the Potter universe, for many reasons. We respect him because of his immense wisdom and kickass sorcery (rings of fire, anyone?), but we also liked him because of his light and whimsical sense of humour and his eccentric nature. Ever the gracious and patient man even in the face of his worst enemies, his death was a terrible blow to fans everywhere because we got to know all sides of this character. Harris` Dumbledore greatly captured the kindly, wise, lovably strange old man that was Dumbledore and all I can say is that it is a pity we never really got to see him in action. Gambon`s Dumbledore, on the other hand, is wise, to be sure, but...well, to my mind, he just didn`t come across as very Dumbledore-ish in terms of personality. He brooded a lot more, and was a little too serious even when the occasion didn`t really call for it.

What we cannot deny, however, is the badass that he really is. Don`t believe me? Just wait for the scene where they`re in the cave fighting off a horde of Gollum clones...er...I mean, Inferi, when out of nowhere, you see him conjure to their aid a FUCKING RING OF FIRE, BITCH!!!


GANDALF CAN CHOKE ON THESE WRINKLY OLD NUTS.

Seriously, though, when Snape finally pulled the Killing Curse on him and he fell from the tower, it didn`t quite have the heart-rending shock I had come to expect, and I blame this on the fact that we didn`t get to know any side to Dumbledore other than the brooding badass. And if you`ve seen the film, you`ll probably be able to join me in asking, ''What the hell happened to the funeral?'' All they can say is they`d better include it somewhere in the final two films, if they don`t want to suffer the flame-spewing wrath that is DUMBLEDORE!!!

And finally, I feel it is my duty to comment on I felt was the weakest, most disappointing aspect of the film: the climax. In another step-by-step recap:

1) Harry and Dumbledore Apparate back to Hogwarts from the cave. Dumbledore tells Harry to find Snape.

2) Draco finds Dumbledore and tries to kill him, but can`t. A bunch of other Death Eaters arrive. Snape comes in, kills Dumbledore as per the plot of the book.

3) Harry chases after Snape and the Death Eaters, gets knocked flat on his ass a few times, and Snape reveals that he is the Half-Blood Prince, then slinks off.

Now this follows the basic structure of the novel`s climax, right? Except it`s missing one tiny little detail: THE FUCKING BATTLE. Where the hell was everybody?? The DA, the Order of the Phoenix?? Was the whole castle asleep while all this was happening?


OH, SHIT, OUR HEADMASTER`S DEAD! GEE, IF ONLY SOME OF US HAD BEEN AWAKE AND PATROLLING THE SCHOOL INSTEAD OF ONLY RELYING ON CLEARLY SHITTY AUROR PROTECTION...OH, WELL!

To its credit, however, the school`s recognition of its leader`s death does result in what might be the most powerful and moving moment in any of these movies. Too bad it only lasts about ten seconds.

So, to sum it all up, to me this movie had its ups and downs, but it did have more ups than downs. Subtle and intelligent writing coupled with performances that range from decent to downright magical (not to mention some pretty satisfying action scenes aside from the final act) definitely make this a movie you should check out if you haven`t already. And if you manage to make it through the trailer for New Moon without choking on your own vomit, then consider it a well-earned reward.

God, I hate Twilight.

Have a nice day.



--Vishesh

A Brief Introduction...

Hey everyone, V here. As you've no doubt been able to work out for yourselves, this section of the blog is dedicated to reviews of movies that have either been loved, liked or hated with a passion. In addition to our video reviews (which will be up soon) along with other contributions from the staff at TeenMontreal, I'll be publishing my own written reviews of some of the biggest movies out there, and if I do my job right (which I'm pretty sure I will), these reviews may actually prove to be more entertaining than some of the films themselves. :S

The first to come will be a review of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, which will most likely be up by tomorrow at the latest.

And lastly, to all who read this, thank you for choosing TeenMontreal over...pretty much any other website out there that will just give five stars to any movie with subtitles.

In the words of Obi-Wan Kenobi, "You've taken your first step into a larger world".

I hope you all enjoy it.




--Vishesh